The Philadelphia Auto Show

It's like really expensive crack, especially for somebody with as much car envy as I have. We got to go to the show today; 'we' being the girl and my parents. I had a few specific goals in mind, but I also got a few pleasant and unpleasant surprises.

First off, the unpleasant. I felt sorry for the girl because the cars were spinning; even the ones that weren't on rotating displays. She was dizzy all day.

To the car surprises. I got to see a new Camaro, which is awesome. I got to see a Dodge Challenger, which is also awesome. The Dodge Challenger is probably just as big as any of the older cars were. It's a rolling tank. I didn't think any car could ever appear larger than the Chevy Caprice, but, to my amazement, this one could take it in a fight.

I also got to sit in a few fun ones besides the Camaro and Challenger. I got to sit in a Mazda RX-8, and Subaru Impreza WRX, a Mazda 3, and Honda Civic Si. More on them in a moment. Noticeably absent were the VW GTI 4-door and the Mazdaspeed 3.

What I wanted out of this was a chance to see some interesting cars, and to consider what I might buy for a next car if I were shopping. So what got 'nixed from the list? The Audi A4. I hated it. It was a lot like the owner of Audi got a bunch of really old guys together and said, "How can I make this car look really new but feel really old so that I don't sell it to people?"

What didn't get 'nixed, then? Well, here's the list...

• Subaru Impreza WRX - Despite the interior being a bit plain, it still looks great on the outside and the seats are comfortable


• Mazdaspeed 3 - It wasn't there, so I can't cut it


• Civic Si 4-door - I felt lukewarm about it before, but I really like the interior. I just hope it doesn't suffer the same problems my RSX does. The interior of the RSX, after a bit of wear, seems to be, well, wearing more quickly than it should


• VW GTI 4-door - Another that wasn't there. This also looks really good on paper.
  

I think, despite the interior, that I still want the WRX. It's also got a nice, juicy place to put a CarPC. Plus, as an extra added bonus, somebody's already done it! If he can, why can't I?

An Active Imagination

I have an active imagination. It's also about as scattered as the continents. Yesterday, I went off. I saw a ditch in the side of the road, and I thought about how water and wind erode the land. I thought about how much water it would take to turn that ditch into a river, and when that might happen. I thought about the flooding that seems to be happening a lot these years in the mid-west, and I thought about how new rivers might form out there because of the erosion. I thought about how map makers will have to update maps due to things like this.

I don't know why I think these things. My brain just goes, and I can't stop it.

So where do you think new rivers might show up some day? Which mountains do you think will erode first?

In Memoriam

Before this all happened, I decided that I wanted to make a beer for when our child was born. The girl told me that the only beer she really likes is a chocolate stout, so I decided that's what I was going to make so that she could partake.

I still want to honor him. I still want to celebrate the fact that we got to spend 42 minutes with our baby boy. We made the chocolate stout today. The girl helped brew it.

Rest in peace, baby boy. We love you. We miss you. We'll never forget you. Hopefully, we'll get to meet you again one day.

Thank You

Throughout this mess, there have been a few good things to happen. Mainly, we've realized that we're lucky to have such wonderful family and friends. Everybody has just done so much for us. You have all cooked and kept us company and consoled us when we've cried and taken our minds off of our tragedy and generally just been the most supportive people we could ever have hoped to have.

So thank you everybody! Thank you Mom and Dad and Matt. Thank you mom-in-law and dad-in-law and brother-in-law. Thank you Amanda. Thank you Karina and Kohnke. Thank you Sandrew. Thank you Katie and Jon. Thank you Laura and Jonah. Thank you Ken and Liz. Thank you Tim and Samantha. Thank you so much for helping us feel better and for waiting on us and providing for us and being so generous. Thank you also to everybody who has sent us a card letting us know you're thinking of us.

The Worst Day of My Life

It's been nine days since it happened. It's taken me this long to build up the courage or the ability to write about it without collapsing into a ball of tears and blubber on the kitchen floor. I probably won't even make it through writing this.

On New Year's Eve, the Girl had pains in her abdominal area. After awhile, she realized they were semi-regular, and that we should probably time them. I search all over the Internets and eventually thought that this was a case of Braxton-Hicks contractions. It was way to early for anything else. When she noticed blood, I panicked.

We called the doctor, got in my RSX, and did 80 mph down Rt 2 to get to the Anne Arundel Medical Center. I pulled into the spot doing 30, stopped, and a nice nurse helped us to where we needed to be. We went into the triage room and I was panicking. The first thing they did was look for the heartbeat, which they didn't find right away. I freaked out, and then suddenly they came across it and I collapsed and started crying the first time. I was so scared the baby was hurt. That was about the only good thing that happened...

The bad news began here. They told us that they thought she was in labor. I don't understand why or how. All I know is that I was back to panicking. As soon as they said it, I asked if our baby even had a chance at survival. They told us that they were going to see how far along the labor was, and, if it was early enough, they'd try to prevent the labor for up to six weeks. I really hoped that this would work out. At 29 weeks, a baby has a much greater chance of survival. At 23, there's next to none.

They took her to a delivery room, and when they checked her out, they told she was fully dilated and that the baby was coming. I nearly had a heart attack. They asked the Girl if she wanted an epidural, to which she said yes. Before the doctor even left the room, the baby was coming, though. About 30 seconds later, at 7:48 PM, our baby boy was born. They immediately took him over to a NICU table to try to help him. His lungs, heart, and esophagus had not developed to the point that he was ready to come. They kept trying to intubate him to help him breathe, but his poor little passageways were just too small. He tried so hard.

At 8:30 PM, our baby boy died in our arms. He never got to cry, never got to open his eyes. About all he got to do was hold the Girl's finger. I never got to feel him kick in the womb.

Now, all I can think about is how his life was robbed. He'll never get to experience the things we've grown to love and hate. He'll never get the chance to walk, to cry, to laugh, or play. He'll never get the chance to go rock climbing or play soccer. He'll never get the chance to learn everything he may or may not have wanted to learn. He'll never get the chance to appreciate the beauties in the world. He'll never get to experience the wonders that happen every day.

Rest in peace, baby bear. Rest in peace, Andrew Gregory Ambler.