I like bad movies. It's just a part of who I am. It's the warm, gooey center that somebody eventually reaches after getting to know me for... 20 minutes, probably. I owe it to that part of myself to help bad movies.
Many bad movies are fun. Many are not. That's the problem. We need a way to classify bad movies to indicate whether they're bad fun, bad like a train wreck from which you can't take your eyes, or so bad you'd rather stab yourself in the eyes with a fork so that you won't have to continue enduring the misery.
With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following classification system for bad movies. This is my SPECTRUM OF BAD:
- Vomitously bad - The movie is so bad and not fun to watch, it will make you vomit. Who is the idiot that thought this was a good idea and actually funded it? You won't be able to watch this movie from the beginning to the end
- Staggeringly bad - You might make it all the way through this movie. Sometimes alcohol may help you make it
- Fun bad - It didn't aim to be a good movie, and it definitely isn't, but you can still watch it repeatedly because it evokes joy due to its badness
- Epic bad - Like fun bad, but so much better. This is one that everybody has to see, despite the fact that it isn't a cinematic masterpiece
- Uncanny valley of bad - Too much like a good movie, making the viewer uncomfortable liking the film since it's supposed to be bad.
I may amend this at some point, but this is my first stab. Yup, you'll get examples as I watch them. :-)
Next up? Gonna watch Bitch Slap.
