It's official. I'm married to the most wonderful woman ever. I am sorry for all of the unfortunate people who are are not.
I've known for awhile now that my wife was planning a trip as my birthday present. We have this little game we play in which we give obscure hints that could never lead to the other actually determining what we're doing, but serves to add to the intrigue. It's kind of like an appetizer for a meal, only it tends to go on for a month or more. So, she gave me some hints for this particular endeavor:
- It's about 3.5 hours from our house, to the north
- It involves things (plural) I like to do
- It's somewhere we've never been before
- There will be boobs involved
- Bring a shirt I don't mind getting dirty
- There will be beer
Friday was the first day. Up until then, I really didn't know what to expect. I mostly suspected it was in Pennsylvania, but the only thing I knew that was 3.5 hours from us was Penn State, which is somewhere we had been before. She packed the car (I wasn't allowed to see what was in the trunk). She plugged our destination into the GPS. We split the driving. All the while, I tried to figure out what we were doing. Needless to say, I failed miserably.
We arrived in the Poconos, which I wasn't expecting at all. After all, what is there to do in the Poconos in the summer? Mountains are made for skiing and snowboarding! And wildlife. And camping. My wrist is currently injured, so I knew this wasn't a climbing expedition. Yeah, how bad would that have made her feel if she had planned a big climbing trip and I'd injured my wrist? Fortunately, the gods would not be reveling in that cruel joke this trip.
In addition, the place we went was where our college roommate, Forrest, lived for awhile. I recognized it, having visited him a few times, and so I asked how far we were from where he lived. Jessie looked it up (hah!) and then said we should call him this weekend. If you're reading this, you probably already know why that's funny.
We turned into a quaint little cabin in the Poconos. The place was awesome! It was also big, which was somewhat suspicious, but she had enough excuses that I wasn't overly inquisitive. We sat for awhile, just enjoying the calm, and then she got a phone call. She started giving directions to somebody. "What did you do?" A few minutes later, Forrest showed up.
I knew something of a grander scale was in order, though I still had no idea just how diabolical the Girl could be. After purchasing some groceries and hanging out for a little while, she suddenly announced that we had to be at our next destination. I knew nothing except that we were going out to dinner, so this took me completely by surprise. We piled into the car, drove around, and ended up on a residential road full of trees on one side and houses on the other. We were looking for an address on this road, which made no sense to me because there were no businesses to be seen. We ended up turning into a gravel driveway, the end of which contained a house.
I began to wonder what was going on. Did she arrange for me to get a tattoo or something at a parlor run from a house? I don't know. I knew that any of my guesses would be wrong when she opened the door and walked in. Forrest and I followed. "What did you do? What is this?" I asked.
"This is the other house I rented!" Yeah, that happened.
About a half hour later, Arjun, Brad, Nicole, and Noelle arrived. About 10 minutes after that, Laura and Jonah showed up. The fog slowly lifted just a little more. I learned that this was the total guest list for Friday night, but that more would be showing up Saturday, and that some who had planned to show up were suddenly unable to on Friday.
We went to dinner at a local microbrewery called Barley Creek Brewery. I discovered that she learned of its existence only because of its proximity to one of the houses on Google Maps. Thank you Google. We proceeded to drink and eat, but we learned immediately that, due to the Poconos mainly being for snow sports, they had only three beers on tap: an American ale, a brown, and an IPA. The IPA was OK. The brown was good. Just like the shirt said, "I'd tap that!"
On the way in, we developed an idea for after dinner. We saw that the neighboring establishment had bocce ball and horseshoes. So, after imbibing, we played bocce ball in the dark. Despite the beer, we were actually surprisingly accurate. Go figure! We would not be that accurate later in the weekend. We would not even be that accurate later that night.
One thing I did not yet mention is that one of the things I appreciate about my wife and friends is that we immediately adapt our environment to us. We do not let the environment rule our actions, but exact our wills upon it. By way of demonstration, when the Brad Brigade showed up, they immediately gutted the refrigerator to store two kegs of homebrew.
Another thing I have not yet mentioned is that many of my friends are home brewers.
We rounded out the evening by putting a dent in the homebrew wheat and oatmeal stouts created by the master brewer Brad, and played a goofy game called Smart Ass. Again, Forrest proved his mastery of the trivial, and proceeded to destroy us all. I envy the steel trap that is his mind.
Back to Cherry cottage. Sleep. I would need it for the following day, though I still had no iota of an inkling of an idea of what the Girl had in mind, or what her brain was capable of achieving.
The second day began much as the previous afternoon had. We spent the morning baking bread, modifying the wi-fi in the cottage so that we could get online, reading, listening to the old fashioned radio in the cottage, and exploring our surroundings. The afternoon crept up, along with my anxiety at what she had planned. Forrest took the time to revel in his quips. A brief excerpt from our morning:
Greg (directed to the Girl) - "What did you do?"
The Girl - "Nothing."
Forrest - "I just hope you know how to tie a tournikit."
Several exchanges followed with similar templates.
The afternoon. Camel cottage. More cars. Add to the guest list the mom-in-law, the brother-in-law, Karina, Kohnke, Amanda, Ken, Liz, Landon, BJ, Jung, and Tanner. All of these people drove well over 100 miles to join me for my birthday. It's hard for me to contain emotions like that.
We grilled. We could have fed a small country. There were brats, hot dogs, chicken, Howard's secret barbecue sauce, chips, salsa, beer, beer, beer, beer, veggies, dips, people, people, people, sugar packets. The girl warned me that I should not over-indulge at this point, though, so that I could fully enjoy the evening activities. I listened carefully.
Tim didn't, though. He had a bit much to drink, which added to the entertainment when he tried to feel the baby kick. Unfortunately, due to Jessie's constant activity, the baby was not terribly active that day.
Though I mentioned Jung earlier, she did not show up until after most of the grilling had been done. She did, however, bring with her a phenomenal cake! Shaped like the torso of a well-endowed female (Jung told us they were G cups. You know, for 'G'reg), the cake was delicious. And, the coup d'gras, sugar packets nestled in the cleavage of the cake. Many of the people with whom the Girl and I attend trivia (the Girl included) are very well-endowed. When they wear loosely-fitted shirts, I make a game of aiming sugar packets for the shirts basketball-style. The beer prevented me from being terribly good this weekend, though.
Ah, the beer. It turns out that we had more varieties of homebrew for this party than the microbrewery had microbrews. They also tasted better. All-in-all, we had the wheat, the oatmeal stout, a Christmas Ale, and a Blue Moon (Belgian Wheat) clone. We additionally had a microbrew, a peppercorn tripel, from Brewer's Art in Baltimore.
After a wonderful afternoon, it became time for the big event. We all piled into cars, the Girl in the lead, to proceed to our destination. I thought I caught a glimpse of bathing suits on Arjun and Noelle. We started driving toward Camelback mountain. Again, what is there to do in the Poconos in the summer?
That question's answer is, "Go to Camel Beach." Yes, co-located with the ski park is a water park. We pulled into the parking lot, and the strangest thing was going on; everybody was leaving. We all piled up to the gate, and I learned that the Girl had arranged to do something in the park after hours. Holy geez! We got wrist bands and I learned exactly what that something was...
The Girl, in all her glory and brilliance, all her love and care, all her heart, had arranged a weekend for me for my thirtieth birthday. She had achieved a last hurrah before the baby is to arrive. She got as many of our friends as she could to join us in nowhere, PA, to be with me, and to go to Camel Beach.
To go to Camel Beach so that we could partake of their Flowrider, just the twenty of us, for two hours after the park closed.
As I said, I'm married to the most incredible woman on the planet. Suck it to everybody who isn't!
I got to surf for two hours. I got to have one of the best weekends of my life, and I got to watch our friends enjoy the hell out of the Flowrider, surfing and boogey boarding for two full hours, complete with grilled foods, at the park. I got to surf my ass off, big 'ole grin on my face for the entire evening. We got pictures. We got minor injuries and sore muscles. We got better!
The weekend was a symphony, all conducted by my most bestest wife ever, and this was the climax! My wife, the best conductor ever!
When the Flowrider eventually wound down, we departed from the park and returned to Camel cottage. We continued to drink beer and eat food, and we sat around and enjoyed the company of friends and family. Some had to depart that evening, and some stayed. Those who stayed in the cottages planned breakfast the next morning, since we had to check out by eleven AM.
Eventually, the Girl, Forrest, Amanda, and I returned to Cherry cottage, where we proceeded to crash in our beds due to exhaustion. We slept a sound sleep, awoke the next morning, packed, and proceeded back to Camel cottage. We got the others up and going, and learned that Brad and Nicole were up until 5:30 AM kicking the last of the oatmeal stout keg and talking. Surprisingly, they were able to get out of bed, and we were able to depart from the house on time after packing up and eating a tasty breakfast of bagels and cream cheese.
Amanda decided to drive home with Jessie and me, since she had come with Karina and Kohnke. On the way home, the wonderful road signs told us of Stoudt's Brewery. We stopped there, had lunch, and had the single best beer I've ever had. It was a creation from their brewer, and variation on an American ale, but very complex. It was the Stoudt's Reserve, also named Gemütlichkeit Ale. If you find some, buy it immediately!
We eventually wound our way home, dropped Amanda off, and proceeded back to the casa. We unpacked. We watched TV and relaxed for what was left of the weekend.
I love this woman. She's the most incredible person on the planet (not on the plant, as I almost typed). This was one of the best weekends I've ever had in my life. It was all due to her, to how much she loves me and cares for me. It was also due to the best set of friends a person can have. Thanks to everybody who showed up, and to everybody who wanted to be there but couldn't because of the intricacies of life. You all made this one of the most special weekends of my life. I hope that I can be the friend that you deserve, and that I can live up to the kindness you've shown me.
Thank you Bear! I love you so much. You're the greatest woman on Earth!
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