Standard Nomenclature for Suckage

I like bad movies. It's just a part of who I am. It's the warm, gooey center that somebody eventually reaches after getting to know me for... 20 minutes, probably. I owe it to that part of myself to help bad movies.

Many bad movies are fun. Many are not. That's the problem. We need a way to classify bad movies to indicate whether they're bad fun, bad like a train wreck from which you can't take your eyes, or so bad you'd rather stab yourself in the eyes with a fork so that you won't have to continue enduring the misery.

With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following classification system for bad movies. This is my SPECTRUM OF BAD:

• Vomitously bad - The movie is so bad and not fun to watch, it will make you vomit. Who is the idiot that thought this was a good idea and actually funded it? You won't be able to watch this movie from the beginning to the end
  
• Staggeringly bad - You might make it all the way through this movie. Sometimes alcohol may help you make it
  
• Fun bad - It didn't aim to be a good movie, and it definitely isn't, but you can still watch it repeatedly because it evokes joy due to its badness
  
• Epic bad - Like fun bad, but so much better. This is one that everybody has to see, despite the fact that it isn't a cinematic masterpiece
  
• Uncanny valley of bad - Too much like a good movie, making the viewer uncomfortable liking the film since it's supposed to be bad.
  

I may amend this at some point, but this is my first stab. Yup, you'll get examples as I watch them. :-)

Next up? Gonna watch Bitch Slap.

Top X Movies By Category

I have just been looking through movies, and I decided I'd try to finally capture a list or (or two or ten) of my favorites, potentially by genre. That's hard, though, since a lot of them span genres, so some mixing and matching may be involved...

Western

• The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
  
• Once Upon a Time in the West
  
• The Wild Bunch
  
• The Magnificent Seven
  
• My Name is Nobody
  
• Unforgiven
  

Sci-Fi

• Aliens
  
• The Day the Earth Stood Still (the old one)
  
• Predator
  
• Blade Runner
  

Horror

• Jaws
  
• The Birds
  
• The Thing
  

Drama/Suspense

• Casablanca
  
• The Shawshank Redemption
  
• Rear Window
  
• Reservoir Dogs
  
• Apollo 13
  
• The Professional
  

Comedy

• State and Main
  
• Dogma
  
• Hatari
  
• Snatch
  
• The Princess Bride
  
• Army of Darkness
  
• Space Cowboys
  

Kung Fu (it deserves its own category)

• Enter the Dragon
  
• The Seven Samurai
  
• Yojimbo
  

Action/Adventure

• V for Vendetta
  
• Die Hard
  

Mystery

• The Usual Suspects
  
• Bullitt
  
• North By Northwest
  
• Vertigo
  

War

• The Great Escape
  
• Letters From Iwo Jima
  
• Where Eagles Dare
  
• Memphis Belle
  
• In Harm's Way
  

These lists I came up with in the span of about 20 minutes. The pressure of thinking of them has probably caused me to forget a few. So, when I come across some that should have had on here, I'll just come back and change the lists :-)

And, I didn't do top X because some have more than others, clearly.

The Western Genre

I'm not really sure what people have against westerns. They're really good movies. I don't see why they, as a collective, would be considered any better or worse than other movies. Most people have preferences for one genre or another, and may not like a particular variety, but I feel like I've met very few people who actually like the genre at all. I don't know why.

I wonder if people jump right to thinking of the crappy ones. Though a great actor, John Wayne did not make 100% winners. There are also a lot of B movie westerns, and cheesy ones. But that can be said for all movies.

Some, though, have stories that trump most other movies. Which? Well, here's a list of awesome westerns you should at least give a chance.

Clint Eastwood

• A Fistful of Dollars
  
• For a Few Dollars More
  
• The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
  
• Unforgiven
  
• High Plains Drifter
  
• Two Mules for Sister Sarah
  



Lee Van Cleef

• Death Rides a Horse
  
• The Grand Duel
  
• Barquero
  



John Wayne

• The Searchers
  
• Chisum
  
• Rio Bravo
  



Some Others

• My Name is Nobody
  
• Once Upon a Time in the West
  
• The Magnificent Seven
  
• The Wild Bunch
  
• Any Gun Can Play (aka. Go Kill and Come Back)
  
• The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
  
• Rio Conchos
  
• The Man From Nowhere
  
• Django
  

So, if you want to give the genre a chance, watch some of these. Which to watch first depends on what you want. I like A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, My Name is Nobody, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Magnificent Seven, The Searchers, and Death Rides a Horse in particular among these. Oh yeah! Unforgiven is a modern western, too, which is fantastic!

My Hopes Dashed

I was wrong. He's not quitting action movies. Damn...

Mishmasy Goodness

Some brief thoughts...

First off, the monkey's fist is the coolest knot ever. Its basic purpose is to make an end of rope heavy. One might say, "Hey! Now I can throw one end of a rope some distance without having to worry about it getting snagged or the like!" But why stop there? Go ahead; use it as a safety weapon. Going somewhere shady? Don't have any means of self-defense? Never fear! Monkey's fist is here. I wonder if they'd let it on planes...

Second off, while considering Spirited Away, a Miyazake film, the girl, Amanda, Ken, and I were thinking of witches and how they always have ingredients stemming from animals blood, hair, and various other parts. I wondered then how vegetarian or (gasp!) vegan witches might get along. Is there such a thing? Why has nobody ever made some comedic movie on the subject? Why don't I? Could I accomplish such a thing? We'll probably never know.

Anyway, my brain leaked, and that's what came out. I've now plugged the hole, though I'm sure it will work itself loose again.

Yahoo Movies

Yahoo put together a list of Yahoo Users Top Rated Sci-Fi Films. I'm going to jump right to the conclusion and state that the user base for this list, though they got some movies on the mark, are special-effect eye-candy whores that that don't have any sense of what a good movie is.

I'll jump right to the list, and my comments.


30. Serenity - I loved Serenity, but I haven't yet decided whether it warrants this. As a standalone movie, it probably doesn't. It needs the character development backing of the show.

29. X-Men 3 - Whatever. I'm not really sure I would qualify superhero movies as sci-fi movies, but I'll ignore that for now. The end of this movie bothered me severely. The bad guys have the most powerful being on the planet and she stands by watching. Bad story writing for my liking.

28. I Am Legend - Yeah, nobody's going to remember this in 10 years. It was good, but not exceptional, and also had some issues. Besides being a giant Ford commercial, how did she get her shiny new Ford vehicle onto Manhattan anyway when they blew up the bridges?

27. Donnie Darko - This is one of the ones they got right

26. X-Men United - Not spectacular. Besides, they also screwed up the entire Nightcrawler character. He's supposed to be swashbuckling and debonnaire. Special effects and weak story.

25. Deja Vu - Didn't see it

24. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Good, but again, not the best.

23. Ghostbusters - Another one they got right. I love it.

22. V for Vendetta - I agree that this movie is spectacular, but it's not sci-fi.

21. The Terminator - This is one of those definitive sci-fi flicks. Why isn't it higher in the list?

20. X-Men - Better than the other two, but DEFINITELY not better than Terminator, Ghostbusters, or (movie for movie) V for Vendetta. It's not one of the best sci-fi flicks ever.

19. Predator - Another one of the definitive sci-fi flicks. Again, why isn't it higher?

18. Superman - A superhero movie (so not strictly sci-fi in my mind), but a good movie.

17. Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith - Are you kidding? As if it wasn't just a bad movie, Hayden Christianson could be a worse actor than Keanu Reeves, and that's saying something!

16. Alien - One of the trio with Predator and Terminator. This just screams well-done, fantastic sci-fi

15. Spider-Man - Better than Alien, Predator, Terminator, and Ghostbusters!?!?! No. Everybody who voted this movie higher than those needs a movie education.

14. Jurassic Park - Again, not better than others I've mentioned, but I could see this belonging on the list.

13. Terminator 2 - Fantastic, but not as good as the original. Many original ideas in it, though.

12. The Incredibles - A great movie, but really! It doesn't belong on a sci-fi list at all.

11. Close Encounters of the Third Kind - I didn't like it, but I can appreciate it.

10. The Day the Earth Stood Still - Finally, now you're talking! Flying saucers definitely belong on this list! If the new one coming out ever beats this, though, I'll die inside.

9. E.T. - Yup, this is one of those that belongs here.

8. The Matrix - I suspected this would be here. Keanu Reeves can't act, though, and there are a bunch of movies on this list better than the Matrix.

7. Back to the Future - It should never be this high on this list. It probably shouldn't even be here. It's good, but it's not the best.

6. Aliens - Cinematically, Alien is better. But for entertainment value, Aliens is better. They're about equal for different reasons.

5. Return of the Jedi - It belongs on the list. All three of the original Star Wars flicks probably do.

4. Empire Strikes Back - Look, another one!

3. Transformers - NFW. Nothing Michael Bay belongs on this list. EVER!

2. Star Wars - Yup, it belongs

1. Iron Man - You have got to be kidding me! This! The best sci-fi movie of all time? Shoot me now.

So what'd they miss? A whole bunch of stuff. Most of the classic sci-fi stuff (1950s and 60s), like the original War of the Worlds, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, the Time Machine, The Thing from Another Planet, and Forbidden Planet. They also missed some newer classics like Blade Runner, The Thing, Planet of the Apes. And then, of course, how could you miss one of the most important science fiction films ever; Godzilla!

Now, I know people will disagree with ever last (thanks K), but how could you put a comic book movie at the top of a sci-fi list? And how can you just ignore the origins of good science fiction? I'm disappointed in the users that got their movies onto this list. I'm happy with some of the people commenting, though.
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